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From the Leaving Babylon Portfolio

From the Leaving Babylon Portfolio

I’m happy to announce I’ve been given the chance to finally explain the age old question of “How does God work in our lives?” Below is everything you need to know to start a healthy relationship with something you can’t see (e.g.: air and gravity).

Brace yourself.

On Prayer:

  1. If you pray for patience,  you get to wait: traffic, actual “waiting rooms”, check-out line at Wal-Mart.
  2. If you pray for what you want, God will give you more than you want…and the issues that come with them.
  3. If you pray for guidance, God makes you lead.
  4. If you pray to win, God moves the goalposts…further.
  5. If you pray for justice instead of mercy…you’ll get it first.
  6. If you pray for forgiveness, you will be confronted with people to forgive.
  7. If you pray for other people’s happiness and well being, you will find a little peace.
  8. If you pray to end hatred, your enemies will beat a path to your door.
  9. If you pray to fix other people, you’ll find their shortcomings alive and well within you.
  10. If you pray for acceptance, you get ambiguity.
  11. If you pray for control, you’ll get it…and all the credit for your actions.
  12. If you pray for understanding, you will get a headache.

General Tips

  1. God doesn’t mind if you’re angry at him
  2. God didn’t kill your dog.
  3. God doesn’t want you to suffer.
  4. God creates opportunities for something magnificent to be built from your worst actions.
  5. God didn’t make Hell, we did.
  6. God doesn’t care where you park your car.
  7. God’s will for you is to be kind; do what you do best; and, let him worry about the outcome.
  8. God isn’t hiding from you.
  9. God is a teacher.
  10. God is a hobo with the big picture.
  11. God is in you like the ocean is in a wave.
  12. God has a very sophisticated sense of humor; take that into consideration when you enter into a relationship with him.

Famous quotes from God.

  1. “If you spot it, you got it.”
  2. “I’ve felt that way too.”
  3. “Thank you.”
  4. “Come on in.”
  5. “Wait until tomorrow to send that email.”
  6. “Stick around and see what happens.”
  7. “I love you too.”
  8. “Hey Y’all, watch this!” (actually attributed to those about to meet God)
  9. “You’re welcome.”
  10. “I’d keep playing…I don’t think the heavy stuff is gonna come down for quite a while.”
  11. “How can I help you?”
  12. “Kids…play nice.”

That’s about it.